Teenagers

Whoever said "as kids get older they need you less" didn't know what they were talking about.  My boys are now 17, 14 and 11...and believe me they aren't ready to be on their own!  One a daily basis I'm putting out fires (figuratively, not literally...thank God!;-)  It's either/or/and school, friends, girlfriends, chores, homework, video games, TV, sports, grades, etc... the list goes on and on. 

As my boys get older I find myself having more important life-choice making decisions.  I enjoy those but also find them sad knowing the day I will have an empty nest is sooner than I'd like to think about.  I really enjoy teenagers...most of the time.  This could also have something to do with the fact that I have boys.  I know that as a teenager I was no picnic and my sister was even more of a nightmare...and she has 2 girls...I guess it's true what they say, "payback is hell."

I've helped my boys navigate through relationships, pointing out warning signs ahead.  I feel so fortunate that I am able to help them with these type things.  That they let me into their lives and share their thoughts and feelings with me...at least sometimes...other times it's a little more work on my part to crack that egg...but totally worth it!

We're coming up on baseball season also known as the season of "whatever dinners".  I'm hoping to get a better handle on that this year via the crock pot and interval dinners (you eat when you're here).  This is the time when I have to be vigilant about keeping up with the boys, not only our crazy schedule but more importantly with what's going on with them personally/emotionally...that's what really matters.  

I work hard everyday to be the best mom I can be...but find that I fail frequently.  I guess it's the trying that matters...nobody's perfect. 

Measuring up as a Mom

Last weekend I attended Hearts at Home National Conference (a mom's conference).  One of the workshops I attended was called Measuring up as a Mom.  This is a topic that I have struggled with in the past and will probably continue to on a case by case basis.  I think we all do a bit of comparing.  We compare ourselves to others in a myriad of ways.  Why do we do this?  It only serves to make us feel bad about the great things we have in our lives.  My sister heard this somewhere..."Comparison kills contentment."  So true.

I have come to adopt the philosophy "The grass ISN'T always greener on the other side."  When I find myself feeling like I am less or I have less I take a moment to really look at myself or my life.  I always find that I'm happier with what I have...the good things that really matter.  I wouldn't trade my happy marriage or my healthy, smart, handsome boys for anything!  Those are the things that matter...not the money (not that I wouldn't like that;-) or the big house or the fancy cars.  None of those things bring true happiness.   So next time I begin to compare myself to someone else I'll step back and just be grateful for my life.  I hope if someone reads this they'll consider the same.

What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compated to what lies within us.  

~Oliver W. Holmes

Glimpse of a soul

Yesterday I encountered a casual acquaintance that I hadn't seen in a while.  She told me she cried that morning while running.  She said she wanted to trim down a little and cried while asking herself, "why does it have to be so hard."  It wasn't until later that day I realized I had glimpsed her soul.  She tends to be a person who stays "on the surface" and this was a rare moment of vulnerability.

I've been thinking about this a lot since then.  I think it's because too often we don't put ourselves out there for fear of getting hurt or judged.  It's good and healthy to let people have a glimpse of our soul.  To let them see that we're not perfect.  When we open ourselves to each other we all feel less alone. 

Most people tip-toe through life hoping they make it safely to death.
~Earl Nightingale

Cleaning and cleaning

I forgot how rewarding cleaning can be.  I know that may sound crazy to some but it makes me feel satisfied when I can look back on the job I did and feel like I actually got something done.  Some days I feel like I don't get anything done but some cleaning takes place inside.  I have days where I'm sorting through things in the house and days were I'm sorting through things in my mind and my heart.  When I clean sometimes I'm doing both! 

I've been on a quest to "find myself" for some time.  I don't know why but a lot of times I feel like I should be doing something "more important"...whatever that means!  I'm a SAHM what is more important than that?  Not much!  The problem comes when my kids are at school and I'm at home wondering what I'm supposed to be doing that's so important.

I guess it's summed up here:  Yesterday my 10 year old over heard me on the phone saying, "I don't need to be here when the kids get home." (The 16 year old gets home first.)  He then said to me, smiling and looking up with his big brown eyes, "yes you do."  Thanks, Loften, for reminding me that you still need me.  Now I can "wipe away" those defeating thoughts...cleaning is good!

Appreciation

The grass is always greener on the other side.  I have to disagree with this statement.  I've come to realize that it is, in fact, the polar opposite.  I sometimes look at my life and think..."I wish I was/had/could _____...like so and so."  But after a closer look I think again.  No one's life is great all the time in all areas of their life.  Everyone is carrying their own burdens and enjoying their own victories.  If life were always great we wouldn't know it because we would have nothing to compare it to.
I feel blessed.  Some days I wonder when the shoe is going to drop and then ask myself why it has to drop at all.  I am just taking each day for what it is.  Feeling grateful for what I have in my life...my health and general well-being...a wonderful, loving, handsome husband who makes me feel like a princess...3 smart, beautiful, healthy boys who I adore and who are teaching me things about myself on a daily basis...supportive parents...a sister for a best friend...lots of fun and supportive girlfriends...the list is endless...I AM BLESSED!

Recommitting

I've come to some new (or old) realizations lately.  As a SAHM, I sometimes feel like I should be contributing to the family income.  The other day I started thinking about "recommitting" to my job as a SAHM.  As a SAHM I have the opportunity to give our family more spending (or saving) money by simply taking the time to make more homemade meals, do more couponing and menu planning.  These few things can have a significant impact on the extra cash we have to do other things with.

I have to admit I spend too much time on the computer.  The other day I was thinking about when my oldest was little (and I only had one).  Things were so much more simple...I only had one kid, there was no computer...no internet.  I actually spent more time doing "home maker" things.  When I look back on that time I sometimes long for the way it was but I know that all I have to do is make some changes and embrace where I am right now.  So in the next few weeks I hope to share some of the changes I've made and how they're impacting our family.

Here's a line from the theme song on "The Biggest Loser" TV show:
"What have you done today to make you feel proud?"

Searching...

Today I had a long talk with a friend.  It was nice to visit about our hopes and dreams for each of our lives.  I often find myself searching...searching for my life's purpose.  It seems like it should be obvious but it's just not.  I don't feel like I'm exceptional at anything.  I am mediocre to above average in tons of areas but not outstanding in any one area.  I wish I had a real passion about one thing that just stood out like a sore thumb.  This leaves me searching...

Is anyone else searching?

I feel fortunate to be a SAHM but sometimes I feel like I should be doing something more.  I love my boys and being with them but when they're at school or off with their friends and I'm left with the laundry, dusting, changing sheets, etc. I feel left wanting something more...for me...I'm torn.